osakarob's blog

I've read several blogs here on Meetfighters by self-described older guys bemoaning that younger men won't take them on.

These seniors usually speculate, or even outright state, that younger guys are *afraid* of matches with older men because suffering a defeat to a senior citizen will somehow damage a reputation. Do the writers think that these young wrestlers are on their phones comparing post-match play-by-plays the way that teenage girls compare details after a romantic date?!?!

You’d think that common sense would disabuse them of that theory, but I’ve read it here several times.

Another touchy point seems to be that anyone would assume their match motives are anything less than pure athleticism. So much effort expended describing how they have never been fitter, stronger, or more ready to take on all comers – with reassurances that prospective opponents need not worry about unwanted sexual advances.

I totally get that if someone embraces wrestling or weight training later in life that they’ll get the same positive feedback loop that young gym rats get when they pack on muscle mass or hit fitness goals. It’s an aphrodisiac and you want more and more. You’ll assume that your improved BMI, sculpted abs, or improved cardio fitness entitle you to “run with the bulls”.

However, that’s a misunderstanding of the natural social boundaries of peer groups.

Walk over to your neighborhood basketball court and see how welcome you are to join the friendly pick-up game if you are over 30. Even if you can shoot 3 pointers with your eyes closed, you are an outlier to the peer group. Think you've got the skills to kick ass in Fortnite or Overwatch? Great. But is it wrong that college kids would rather game without you? No.

The challenge with being your 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s and wanting to fight tough younger opponents is that you are hoping these invisible boundaries will somehow vanish. But why would they? They don’t in other areas of life, do they? And that's ok. It probably isn't worth raising your fist in the air and complaining about how unfair it is that a guy young enough to be your son or grandson won't battle with you. Accept the declined invitation and move onto someone who will take you on.

I don’t bother sending messages to anyone more than about a decade younger than me, unless something in their profile suggests that we might be a good fit. Does that limit the overall prospective pool of opponents? Of course. But I'm ok with that. But I’d rather have realistic expectations than set myself up for frustration and resentment.

I'm sure there are other constructive pieces of advice for us to share so that the most senior members of this tribe can be reassured that there is a place for them in wrestling. Any thoughts?

Do you have any idea what previous opponents think of you?

I don’t necessarily mean how they would describe your athleticism. Or your physical strength. Or your knowledge of holds/wrestling skills.

Instead, if asked, would your former opponents describe matches with you fondly or might they recall something during the match that made them think “NEVER AGAIN will I wrestle with this guy!”.

Provided that you are a fighter with at least one former opponent, you have – for better or for worse – a reputation. Naturally, if your previous opponents write nice recommendations here on Meetfighters and ask for repeat matches with you, you’ve probably established positive reputational currency.

But I’ve noticed that some guys here complain that they can’t get enough matches for a variety of reasons. Usually they blame things like ageism or that too many people are preoccupied with looks over wrestling ability. But I’d like to also suggest that we all should also be mindful of the little things we do during a match that might contribute to our reputations.

Let me give you an example.

I asked a repeat wrestling friend (who has far more opponents than me) which of his former opponents he would never want to see again and why.

1) He explained that hygiene was his #1 deal breaker. Some guys clearly didn’t wash well enough before the match or launder their fight wardrobe often enough. In a word – the other guy stunk. Other turn-offs apparently were bad breath, poorly kept toenails, or the smell of cigarette smoke.

2) We both agreed that past opponents who disregarded safety or who didn’t seem to know how to “turn up or turn down the intensity of a match” so as to ensure fun instead of injury were not worthy of repeat matches.

3) An opponent’s charm, or lack thereof, contributes greatly to reputation. One reads so many recommendations here that gush about what a genuinely nice guy an opponent turned out to be. It's good to chat, open up a bit, and talk before, during and after the match.

4) Some guys also seem to have a highly active fantasy scripted in their minds and bring a certain weirdness to a match that can be a little bewildering if it hasn’t been shared beforehand. (One former opponent in Japan once failed to share that he wanted me to impersonate a WWII era U.S. soldier so that he could spit in my face while pinning me down! Needless to say, I ended the match I abruptly.)

Reputations can be made moment by moment and match by match. But just as in life, you only get one chance at a first impression. And that impression can often contribute profoundly to the reputation of you that gets circulated around in the wrestling/fighting community.

The number of past opponents in a person's profile can be a pretty good indicator of wrestling skill. A profile with a dozen or more past opponents would suggest an individual is pretty skilled athletically, wouldn't you agree?

Yet, the meaning of a small number of opponents might be less clear. The individual could be new to the sport, or they could live in an area with few opportunities. Perhaps they don't travel much. Maybe they are looking for a particular "type" of match.

Perhaps their matches tend towards erotic play instead of sport and thus they have had fewer partners. Or, quite simply, maybe they've had a small number of partners because the hobby itself ranks low on their priorities list in life.

That's all pretty easy to understand.

But what are we to make of a profile that says:

"O past opponents in.......two years"

Should I assume that guys who haven't had an opponent in that long really aren't looking for a match?
Are they engaging vicariously in wrestling through others? Is it all cyber? Did they join with an interest but maybe lost that interest after reviewing the site?

I'll certainly admit that I'm one of those participants who is more than satisfied by 2-3 good matches a year. That's about all I need and it's probably all that I'm willing to invest in. I was really active when I was younger and wrestling plays less importance now, but I still come onto the site to check things out.

But I am curious what the motivation is for those who have "0 opponents in......"

No malice or judgement is intended by asking this question. Just curious.

I have a secret to admit to you.
I can't take my eyes off of your junk.

With every profile photo that you post, it's the first thing I look at.
I gaze at it. I fantasize.

Looking at it makes me wonder what kind of a man you are and what kind of a match we might have.

That's right....I'm talking about all that junk behind you in your profile photos. Ha ha ha....

Take a cursory glance through member profile photos or galleries and you are certain to find some very interesting objects in the backgrounds! I get it...most of us aren't expert photographers. And maybe when the moment strikes to snap a selfie of us flexing, we are concentrating more on sucking in that gut than tidying up the crap in the background. But it's amazing what we forget to remove.

Pill bottles.
Dirty sponges.
Curious wall hangings.
Piles of dirty laundry thrown next to the bed (?!).
Lamps without lampshades.
Antiquated audio equipment.
Movie memorabilia on the walls.
Is that a medieval ax?
Your wife's tchotchke collection - glass bells, figurines, etc.
Your dog walking into the frame.
All manner of hair gels and product.
"Wait. Do you use beach towels everyday in the bathroom or was this photo taken at your beach house?"
Industrial grade metal file cabinets. (In the living room?!)
Photos of your kids.
Makeshift hangers with clothes dangling. (Perhaps because of lack of closet space?)
A bag of Doritos.
"Folk art".

And let's not even discuss the rat-packed antiquities piling up next to the makeshift fighting spaces in the basements of our homes. Good lord, you would think that half of the members here were boxed up and ready to move house next week!

Obviously, this is a tongue in cheek blog post. I mean no disrespect to anyone's galleries. I'll be the last person to cast stones because the rooms in my house either look like A) I just moved in and haven't unpacked or B) Fratboys live here.

But I am curious.....what have you seen in a profile photo that made you think "Um, no thanks. I'll pass."

I live in a city, Las Vegas, which has over 150,000 hotel rooms. In theory, this should make it very easy for wrestling meet-ups.

But strangely, for my last two matches with a local wrestling friend, I found myself specifically reserving the "accessible" room of a budget style chain hotel. (Neither one of us is equipped to host at our homes...)

The accessible room, designed for guests with disabilities, offered a bit more space at the otherwise standard rate, but I felt guilty reserving it. To be frank, I only reserved it because the extra space provided us with a bit more room to open up a tarp for an oil match.

Just curious whether you think that is ethically poor judgement?